Wednesday, 12 February 2014

Waiting and Healing

So the wait is on.  I haven't posted for a few weeks because there is nothing new to say.  Which is a good thing.  I continue to feel better and stronger each day.  I'm able to go out and get groceries, pick up my kids from school, run a few errands etc.  I have to pace what I do as I still get tired easily.  But at least I'm not just stuck on my couch any more.  My perspective on everyday living has changed.....I consider it a privilege to cook for my family, clean my own house and do our laundry.  Who would have thought I would ever feel this way?  All of these tasks used to feel like a bother.  You quickly learn to appreciate the small things after they've been taken away from you.   So far, I have enjoyed feeling better so much that I am able to push thoughts of April out of my mind.  Of course there is a constant wonderment about what April will bring.  But for the most part, I am just thankful that I feel good right now.  I feel like I have to do as much as I can while I'm feeling good, in case I'm sick again this Spring.   It is interesting to feel good and know there is cancer inside you.  Yes I wonder what is happening in my body...then I remind myself there is nothing I can do about it.  I eat healthy, I've started exercising (in small amounts) and taking some supplements, but the rest is out of my hands.  I know God created me and is ultimately the decision maker in all of this.  I know He is leading me on a journey (that has been extremely hard) to teach me many things.  In fact, I'm fairly certain I have not learned half of what I will as I continue to reflect on what I have been through and continue to move forward.  I know my perspective on life has changed, my priorities have changed, my dreams have changed, and my faith has changed.  I've learned to be curious about the future and anticipate good, but to embrace the present because it is the only thing we have for sure.  Everyday is our chance to make a little bit of a difference in this world.  It's too bad I've had to go through so much to learn this.  I hope some of you can be spared and learn through me.

Darryl is back at work full time this week.  His vision has continued to improve; it's still not as good as he would like.  However, the doctors have said it could take up to a year to completely heal.  He has resumed all of his activities:  curling, coaching, chauffeuring our girls, etc  He feels great most of the time, and his energy levels are also almost back to normal.  He still has some headaches, which is disappointing.  We hope that this is also an issue that will require time to be completely healed.

Our girls are doing well.  They have resumed all of their activities:  piano, track, dance, and basketball.  They feel like life is normal, and they love it.  I asked our oldest daughter just yesterday, "What has been the hardest part of the last few months?"  Her response was, "the unknown".  They don't realize how many unknowns still lie before us.  Because things feel normal right now, they aren't worried about what Spring may bring for our family.  Some people have asked me, "What do you hope for?"  At this point, I have to be honest, I have lost hope that the cancer will be completely gone by the end of April.  So my hope is that it will be small enough to safely do surgery.  And that's it.  If I can get through the spring with just a surgery, I will be thrilled.  I do know that another round of treatments may also be required.  But I try not to think about that too much.  This is my prayer..."let surgery heal me completely".

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