Life has been very busy for the past few weeks. We managed to have a few weekend get aways. I have also been decorating our oldest daughter's bedroom....painting, printing pictures, putting together furniture etc. I'm keeping myself as busy as I can. I'm finding that the waiting to find out if treatments worked has been harder in the past 2 weeks then the previous 9 weeks. Now I'm down to a week and a bit until I get the big reveal. Last week I had a PET scan. They scanned my entire body for any signs of cancer. It was a long drawn out series of scans....I lay on a narrow hard bed, inside a tube, with my hands above my head for an hour. As I lay in the scanner, I couldn't help but be curious as to what the techs were seeing. It was like all the secrets about the inside of me were being revealed only a few feet away behind a glass window, and I just had to lay there and wait two more weeks to get the results!
I'm feeling really good. My energy is almost back to normal. I don't have all my strength back, but I'm close. So I have to believe that my results will be good. I find it so hard to believe that I'm not completely healthy because I feel healthier now then I have for at least 8 months. I do have to admit, I'm really afraid of having to feel sick again. I know I will probably end up having surgery and going back to a healing state and being hospitalized makes me feel like I'm going back to prison to serve a second sentence. I have to keep reminding myself the hospital is where I go to get healthy. I need to focus on all the good that goes on there. I am also afraid of being told I need more rounds of chemo. Oh how I hate the side effects of chemo: not being able to think clearly, nausea, tiredness, restlessness etc. But I have to remind myself of all I have accomplished already: 5 rounds of chemo, 25 radiation treatments, 3 HDR treatments, and I had them all happening at the same time. And here I am feeling great. If I have conquered all of this, I can do anything they throw at me next week.
We have put our life somewhat on hold. We have no idea what to expect over the next few months and have planned nothing beyond my next doctor's appointment. I am really looking forward to getting on with life and getting rid of cancer. This morning (unlike many others lately) I woke up so tired of cancer. Thankfully my physio (who is also like a counselor for me) told me to think about all the ways cancer has improved me as a person: inner strength (I do feel like I can do almost anything), better perspective in all areas of my life, a new/better understanding of who God is and what He can accomplish in me, the confirmation that I married the right person, an improved appreciation for the simple things in life, a realization of great supportive family and friends, and the list goes on. It's hard to remember these things when I'm on the brink of more treatment. But today I took the time to make a list. Now I have something to look back at on the hard days.
I often forget to give updates on Darryl because it seems as if he never had any medical issues. He's doing so well. Today he met with his neuro ophthalmologist. His vision is better than pre-surgery!! We are so amazed and thankful for this. He has no double vision at all. His headaches have become less frequent as well. He went for almost 3 weeks without having one. He had one a few days ago, but it wasn't as painful as they used to be. He's almost completely healed. We are so incredibly thankful for this. No more waiting or wondering with him - the best part of all.
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