I usually sit and post my thoughts on a post without any hesitation, but not today. I'm struggling with what to say. Most often my entries are filled with hope, and I always try to write when I'm feeling positive and courageous. This is not the case today. Today we are sad and struggling. But we've chosen to remain honest and truthful with all of our readers. So here it is..... I finally had my 12 week post treatment check up. I also got my PET scan results. I did not get the results I had hoped. The PET scan shows that there may still be cancer cells in my cervix as well as a spot outside my cervix and possibly in my lymph nodes. This is very disappointing. What is even more disappointing is the treatment plan that was laid out for me: if there is persistent cancer in my cervix, I have to have a surgery that would remove all organs from my pelvis, this would include my bladder, rectum and others. I do not qualify for a hysterectomy post radiation treatment; it's an all or nothing deal. If there is cancer in my lymph nodes there is no treatment for a cure, and I will have to go for regular chemo for the rest of my life to achieve some form of stability. The only hope I was given today is that the PET scan can have false positives. My oncologist did an internal exam of me today and thought this could possibly be the case for my situation. He thought my cervix looked and felt cancer free. So he took several biopsies and will send them away to be tested. If they come back cancer free, I will wait another month and have another PET scan. He did tell me that there is a possibility that I am currently cancer free, and the PET scan just picked up cells that had been damaged by radiation. If the cells show that I continue to have cancer, details for surgery or chemo will be laid out for me at that time.
I know many of you don't believe in God. I know some of you aren't sure, and others do believe and have been praying for us. I continue to believe in Him, and I continue to believe He could heal me in an instant if He chose to. I also believe He has allowed me to walk this cancer journey to transform me in so many ways. If you have any belief and maybe even if you don't, we're begging for you to pray with us for healing. Pray that the tests will come back cancer free. Pray that I can avoid surgery and carry on with my life. Most importantly, pray that we (as a family) will have the strength and peace to take each day as it comes and trust in God to take care of us. He is all knowing, all powerful and He's bigger than all of this.
We did feel an incredible peace today, even among the bad news. We could feel God holding us and helping us carry on. Each day will be a challenge in the next few weeks as we wait for results AGAIN!