It was one month yesterday since I was officially diagnosed with cancer. It has been the longest month of my life! It's also been the most transforming month of my life. It's crazy how everything about my life has changed. I miss my old life. I really miss work. I love teaching, and I love my school. I miss my students and my colleagues. I even miss getting dressed up everyday. Now I change from pyjamas to sweat pants and feel all spiffed up! I miss having enough energy to get up at 5:30 am, work out, work all day, pick up the girls from school, make dinner, drive the girls to activities, do some lesson planning, and read a good book before bed. Now it's almost noon by the time I'm ready to start my day! I don't miss the crazy, hectic schedule I used to be controlled by. I do enjoy my lazy mornings in which I have time to read, pray and meditate before I do anything. I also enjoy the time I have had to connect with friends over the past few weeks. I've had lots of great conversations with many special people. I hate the dread I feel everyday as I think about what the next few weeks of my life holds. But I love the calmness I feel when I remember that God is carrying me through this, and I love how He is showing me Himself in various ways each day. I'm sad that I often don't feel great. But I'm happy I get to spend more quality time with my family. I often wake up in the morning and have to convince myself that this really is my new life. I look forward to returning to good health and being able to do the things I miss. But I also hope I don't ever forget the good parts of my current life and use this season of my life to guide my priorities in the future.
December starts tomorrow. It will be a very different Christmas for us this year. I'm curious to know how it will all turn out. Maybe we will learn to appreciate being at home, together in a whole new way!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares The Lord, "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you." Jeremiah 29:11